Blubbery Blobs of Bleck

June 3, 2023

I had many possible titles for this only slightly late May Doodle. “I’ve Been Rear-Ended” was one. “The Tale of a Giant Tail” was another. “The Sudden Realization of a Pathetically Portly Pooper” came to me just now. After much cognization, however, I realized I could not focus only on the backside of life. My whole body is in need of a parental talking- to.

“How did this strange, but overdue realization, suddenly come to your attention, dearly sort-of-beloved Doodler?”, you may be asking yourself as you await the crux of this thought provoking conversation that appears to be testing your ability to comprehend what the heck is the point of this mess of wordiness and complicated punctuation pitfalls?!.

I am going to a wedding this afternoon.

What a joyous occasion! I need to wear a decent outfit, a dress, most likely, so I flung open my closet door and proceeded to try on some possibilities. Some of them I knew I could not zip up anymore, because I’ve tried that little annoying move in the past. But I have several that are just pull-on types of stretchy material. I slipped one on and walked myself to the one full mirror we have (in the ex-Erin bedroom that is now my library), and what did I see? I saw a Wizard of Oz munchkin! Short and round. I tried another one and I experienced a deja vu of my childhood with my short and round Grandpa Hall. The third dress I tried on reminded me of that girl, Veruka, in the Willy Wonka movie with her insatiable appetite.

I eventually decided on the dress that flows almost to the floor in the back, hoping it will somehow perform a trompe l’oeil illusion of slinkiness for anyone blessed enough to be behind me. After today I shall give my body a serious talking-to. And I may have to sue Haagen Dazs for tempting me with their ice cream coupons, and McDonalds for tempting me with cheap, yummy caramel frappes, and all chocolate makers for making chocolate, and myself for having no self-control! Of course if I did that I would just have more money to buy more goodies. I need counseling. And prayer. And a lip-seamstress.

There are no photos for this Doodle!